Hi everybody;

As part of my Creative Writing course at University I wonder if yo lovely people would be able to offer me some feedback on a couple of stories I've written.

Many thanks

Matthew.

MARTINA WON’T STOMACH IT ANY MORE

Martina came to the top of the stairs because someone was calling her.
“Martina! Would you come here please!?”
“What is it Dad?” she said, plonking herself at the top of the stairs.
“Would you like to tell me what happened today?”
“But I’m tired; I want to go to bed”. She said. “I didn’t do anything wrong anyway”.
“No, I just want to know what happened that’s all, come here”.
“Alright”
“Now, why don’t you start at the beginning?”
“Well, I’d gone out like you know and I was down at the park by Watergate Road”.
“Then what happened?”
“Well Sonia, Thomas and Daniel were already down there and Sonia just kept going on and on about her new mobile phone. Reckons it can do everything that mine can’t and won’t let me forget it. Thomas likes me a lot I can tell and when I got there he was the one who was furthest away from me”.
“What time was all this?”
“About midday”
“Yeah”
“Anyway, we were all just talking away and stuff and then I realised that Thomas had edged closer and was standing right next to me. Because he was and I could guess what he wanted to do next.”
“Ok”
“And that’s when Daniel just lost it. I don’t know why, he just flipped. He hates me for some reason and has for years or he’s jealous of Thomas or something; I don’t really know to be honest. But he just started screaming and shouting, calling me all sorts of names and stuff I hadn’t done. Sonia was just stood there watching all this and Daniel was like, right there, in my face. And, I-I just lost it, I’m sorry. But he didn’t know about my martial arts training.”
“Why did he do that?”
“I don’t know. There haven’t been any tell-tale signs that anything was wrong. He’s always been okay with me most of the time. I can’t lie and say that’s he’s my most favourite person in the world and sometimes he’s a bit cold and distant but we see enough of each other round school so he’s put up with me for a long time if he doesn’t like me”.
“So what happened?”
“Oh well, today? I floored him! Basically”.
“Wait a minute, isn’t that the same Daniel who lives on Watson Drive?”
“Yeah”
“Oh no, no, no”
“I know, I’m sorry. It’s not that bad is it?”
“I had a bit of a run-in with his dad a few years ago but that shouldn’t have had any affect on what happened here, between our children”.
“Oh, right”.
“Why didn’t you just walk away when all the shouting started?”
“I don’t know; just spur of the moment stuff and I just didn’t care any more.”
“What state did you leave him in?”
“I’ve no idea, I don’t care either. He was just in a heap on the floor. I stormed off up to the other park at Ferham and stayed there for awhile. The other two stayed there all open-mouthed and stuff ‘cos they didn’t know I could do that.”
“Well no, they wouldn’t would they?
“Never had to use it before…”

“…I guess I’m finding out who my friends are, aren’t I?”
“Listen Marty; you…”
“…I’m sorry”
“You don’t have to keep apologising for what you did; you were standing up for yourself. Daniel, Sonia and Thomas now know where you stand. They know how much tormenting you can tolerate before you react to it. You’ll find that in the future they’ll come to respect that.”
“Yeah, but…”
“But what?”
“I could have put him in hospital”
“That’s never bothered you before!”
“Erm no, but…”
“Then forget about it. If your conscience is bothering you that much, go round there and apologise. If not, wait till you see him again at school and just have a quiet word with him about what you did and why and then move on. No need to dwell on what’s already gone before.”
“As long as he’s still talking to me”
“Well you’ll find out won’t you!?”
“I guess so”.

“But what will the others say?”
“I wouldn’t worry about them if I were you”
“No?”
“No. If they’re truly your friends they’ll stick by you. Or at least they should once they’ve got all their facts straight”.
“That’s alright then”.
“Yeah”.
“Wow, Dad. You give some really great advice. I’ve never known you do that before”.
“Because I haven’t had to before; just don’t go getting yourself into that sort of trouble again. And then I won’t have to do it again okay?”
“Okay, I love you Dad!”
“I love you too sweetheart!”